This is much further from the ground than I thought. The view is mostly of the rooftops and squarish windows, the angularity only broken up by the winding roads caught between the buildings. I wonder if people feel trapped? The vast amounts of buildings hold some sort of lethargy, like its ageing population; silently living each day, caught between the past and the necessity of the future.
So to be judgmental, as a viewer, as someone trying to scrutinize what the story behind this city is, I find it a little intimidating and mostly disconcerting to know, we’ve all created an image of the Tokyo. The neon lights, deep dark open secret of the Yakuza, the highly technological giant….we create the narrative as if we know, as if I know, beyond these 33 stories and out of this building, lives the city that is the mystical Orient. I was talking to someone who reminded me that the epitome of human cultural arrogance rests in the deliberate construct of the Japanese culture – formal, distinct, structured and very inward looking.
There is some sort of postwar melancholy I think. Since no one talks about it, it seems like everything here has a secret but no one’s willing to speak or at least lift the curtains to take a peak. In the end, we are shrouded and blindfolded by precisely what we’ve read and seen.
The last 2 days were somewhat surreal but mostly unbelievable. I have yet to feel the conclusion of the Conference simply because I can’t quite accept that it even began. 2 week into my job, I am informed that I have the privilege of being part of it despite not doing much and just hanging out around my boss’s office. So even before I realized it started, the Conference has ended.
What happened to all that time?
Growing up is in order I guess. They say I’m like a teenager. I don’t think I ever went through that phase so its nice to go back. Yet I’ve been feeling a little down, more down than usual. I’m no longer sure what I want to do, where I want to go or what exactly do I want. The sense of emptiness is greater than usual.
Is this what Inez calls a mid-quarter-century crisis? I hope not. Because I’m really not ready to deal with it.
