Back to school…

While I stood before a silent classroom this morning, all I could think of was how the tables have turned. 

I had the pleasure of being in school for the past 22 and a half years. Yes, I went to play school at the age of 18 months and only recently graduated from school. Less than 3 months later, I am back in school but standing in front of the class looking back at 40 pairs of eyes who wonder what the heck they are doing in school.

It wasn’t too long ago I had the same question and yet today I stand before them trying to ensure that their young minds understand their responsibility as a student.

I think I panicked a little. I must have since I stopped to wonder if I would ever be able to step up to the plate and take on my new set of responsibilities. Just so you know, I haven’t really been doing much at work. Mostly it involved trying to pretend having some sort of authority when I know that all would be given back to the regular who had gone to serve the nation. So I sit quietly at my desk, trying to digest my new Murakami book and listening to my trusty old first generation video ipod. The nothingness has made me all the more thoughtful of just how difficult and tiring this job is. I’ve been told to appreciate just sitting there but I just wish I could give a little more. 

And then once again I wonder, would I be able to be a good teacher?

So the tables have turned. While I was invigilating a class today, that was all I could think of. No matter how noisy, rowdy or cheeky these kids are, I have chosen to be the person standing in front of them. While I wavered because of other options, I am also reminded of how I have to stay firm in my decision or I will not find joy in anything I do. But I do think that this is sort of a “homecoming” for me though. I always knew I would teach, it just came a little sooner than expected but I’m ready for it.

So as cliche as it sounds, bring. it. on.