I don’t write because I would like to spill everything I know or feel onto something so public. It is called the world wide web for a reason and I am sure “world wide” does refer suspiciously to something global in manner and baring one’s soul takes quite the courage to do. I write because I feel inspired to. To write is a calling I believe and that is why I take time with each entry. More often than not, I come to about 3 lines before I decide that this entry should be rendered useless and close the page without saving the draft. I was on the verge of doing so a minute ago but realized, this time round, I just needed to keep typing, to keep my mind moving away from one thing to the next and to search for some sort of closure.
Closure. I never quite get it. What it entails, what it doesn’t and how to ensure its eventual conclusion. Its some sort of ending isn’t it, putting a stop to what we know and renegotiating a beginning to something we are comfortable with. If that’s the case, should closure be a new beginning, a transformation of the past into fractions of truth so that we may progress into a new sets of truth, new forms of naturalization and new ways of interaction?
I don’t think I would like that very much.
I just wish I could learn to love the beauty of life in its movement and progression into the future. I just wish I was able to grapple with the roughness of that movement. I just wish I had the courage to face the unknown and I just wish I was strong enough to do all the above.
“Second star to the right and on until morning.” That was Peter Pan’s wise words to Neverland.
I am no longer heartbroken like the little girl I once was. But my heart is indeed heavy for it has made decisions that it wished it never ever had to.
