So you see, that incidentally is a humanistic reaction to the way how life doesn’t quite fall into place when it should. Suddenly being displaced is scary.
And then you live in memories or the re-living of the past as if by doing so you are able to re-create what happened before as if it is now, the present and of course in anticipation, also the future. I find it rather intimidating and yet still relish in doing so.
This comes after watching a movie last night. Not that I am ready to do a movie review about the Emperor Dragon but as an East Asian Studies major, I watch with awe as hollywood picks apart myths and legends and transforms it into a fraction of what was to produce entertainment. It was entertaining to say the least, at least my guys friends seem to think so but that was all it was. Uninspiring entertainment that brought a few laughs to the audience. Yes, if you would like to watch a brainless movie (unlike Red Cliff or Dark Knight) then go ahead, spend that money to endorse a film that sounds suspiciously like the re-creation of orientalist rhetoric (or am I just imagining it) movie-fied
But in any case, this is not supposedly a philosophical entry more of me thinking out loud to myself since I can’t quite fall asleep.
Blogs are meant to express isn’t it? And so if I express how I feel here, it becomes public and real as if saying it out loud is not quite enough but I need to publish it in an entry so that I will remember how I feel. I don’t know why I am angry at certain things I cannot control and angry at not trying to control the things I can. I think it is because I am stubbornly resistant to change. Either that or this memory is worth keeping. Its worthiness is only dependent on precisely that, my memory. But no matter how I recall the past, read diary entries, think deeply, it was never exactly a happy one. But I am still stuck firmly in the pits of it. I don’t really like that because its neither something the other party would ever know about. Then I feel ridiculously useless for being stuck as if I have not used any strength or ounce of effort to dig out of the pit.
So I am at a lost for words as to where to end this entire situation. I think I am about ready to end it. I need to make new memories. I think that’s the only solution. Newness always erases the past and then maybe I can always pretend it never happened since it never did work out the way I expect it to.
Its not time to move on but to move up. I’m growing old so forgetting should be a breeze.
