你说快乐就好。。。

那晚在事发后第一次梦见你， 我也不太记得发生了什么事。

只记得你说的一句话：做什么都好，只要你开心就好，只要你开心就好。

可是没有你一切真的不一样了。大家都好想你，回来好不好。。。

 

回來吧（Come back） by 五月天 （Mayday）

Lamenting like it matters.

I am annoyed. I am utterly annoyed.

Yes, I am to blame for this lackluster performance but my complete disregard for my supposedly mind-blowing thesis has come to a point where I don’t quite care. Not a good sign for someone who once claimed to be “passionate” about the field. It’s not that I am not enthralled by some deep philosophical phenomenon that only the likes of Michel Foucault or Jacques Derrida can conjure up. But there is something that’s missing from all this. I think it needs to begin from a heartfelt, bottom’s up reminder of why I chose to do what I do in the first place. I’m sure some theoretical presumptions (that has obviously been made “real” through the reification of discourse) on the power matrixes of this world will do budding professors some good on planet dissertation writing but why does the average joe need to even know about some dilemma between what should be and what actually is in the formation of modernity. After all, hasn’t it already happened and aren’t we all just living in it? Is it simply a lack of relevance or are we just that apathetic about the things outside of what we do. 

But then again, I wish I had the actual audacity to call out our blindspot. Let’s face it, academia is myopic (so are many industries) and we see what we want to see. While some can deal with the stark black and white division of this world, my term for calling on those who live by the tangible, others may just be more inclined to side step that there is even an issue of black and white in the first place. For those who live in patches of grey, of negotiations, well, what can I say, life just isn’t about binary oppositions (sorry Ed, that’s if you ever read this). What I have learnt has taught me to accept that all these different visions of the world are valid, real and natural but I am always inclined to defend my patches of grey as if it is the only means of living. As I am writing this entry, I see the arrogance (and hypocrisy) of it yet I constantly insist on its “rightness” as if the others all don’t matter. 

I should be writing my thesis. I’ve said that many a times to those who would actually might just be interested in listening to me complain about how bored I am. I will continue to say that I SHOULD be writing my thesis until the little bugger is done (which is hopefully by the end of this freaking week before I explode of graduation-ritis). I should stop lamenting, it really isn’t healthy. Let’s hope this spring weather gets to me soon. I need to at least be excited about something. 

Hello world

   Hello world is perhaps the right words to the start off this blog. WordPress generated the tagline and all I can imagine is my sudden explosion onto the world wide web as the next big thing waiting to happen. Of course being the next big thing comes with a price, namely my lack of enthusiasm for my ultimately unsightly thesis. Yes, I am a thesis-writing-idol-chasing-coffee green tea-drinking-bathroom-singing-power-obsessed-soon-to-graduate-wedding-planner-air-force-wannabe thing of a person. Weird. But the last time I checked (which is about 2 minutes ago), I was not quite ready to re-start a blog and comment about the absurdities of this world as if I could make sense of them. Yet here I am succumbing to the objectification (or blogification if such a word exists) of my life onto the tiny little screen of my new found love- The Macbook.    

   But it is my way of saying hello to the world. Which honestly consists of much Mayday (五月天) obsessing. Though I am rather resistant to the term “obsession”, I have been told by my rather intuitive sister that it has perhaps come to that point of no return. I blame it on…I am searching for the politically correct noun to fill in the space but I all I can think of is “不知道，我不知道”. For those not of the chinese-reading world, it means I don’t know, yes literally that’s what it means but it is also the title of the song stuck in my head for the past 2 weeks. How appropriate.  And so this wordpress blog is titled “Chasing Mayday” which basically sums up my life for the past 5 years while away from home. It signifies my imagination of some sort of hope, opportunity and dramatics, all of which connects me to the romanticism of partaking in something so real and yet so far.    

   How? Well that’s the point of writing this blog. And if I may, here begins a life of uncertainties as I continue to chase Mayday and live with obsession of knowing that it’ll always remain simply that, Chasing Mayday.